Unfinished Business

BUZZ!!! Your girlfriend...WOOF!

Thursday, August 11, 2005

As Long As We've Got Each Other...

There are a lot of great role models for a man of such young age as myself. I'm not talking about real role models either, I'm talking about the fake one, the ones on TV that in all actuality are terrible examples of how to go about life. Man, do they have fun though. Today is my official ode to all that is Man/Boy. I give you the bringers of adolescent widom:

FERRIS BEULLER: Ultimate 80's Role Model

Base: Chicago, IL
Marital Status: Single/Dating
Occupation: Student/Anthropologist/Sausage King of Chicago
Alter Ego(s): Beuller....Beuller; Abe Froman; Mr. Peterman
Nemesis: Jeannie Beuller; Edward Rooney
Favorite Quote: "So choice."

Ferris is the ultimate 80's school cutting hero. When he's not getting freshmen out of summer school, he's taking his best buds out for the time of their lives when they should be blowing a perfectly good day at school. In my opinion, he is the pinnacle of student ideals. Also known to anger sister, and makeout with hot chicks.

VAN WILDER: Putting the "Cool" in Coolidge For the Better Part of a Decade

Base: Coolidge College
Marital Status: HA HA HA, you're kidding, right?
Ocupation: Student/ Anthropologist/ Party Planner
Alter Ego(s): Van the Man; Vance Wilder Jr.; The Raddest F---ing Dude Alive
Nemesis: The future, Richard the DIK, Professor McDoogle
Favorite Quote: "Don't take life to seriously, or you'll never make it out alive...write that down."

With experience comes mastery, and that's why after 7 years of school, Van Wilder is a paragon of party know how. Smart, fast, and given to philisophical quoting, this 3rd year Senior has a 3.0...blood alcohol level that is. Yes, and while he may be a bit of a wanker for giving up his swinger lifestyle, Tara Reid was looking pretty good in those days. I would gladly invite this King of Coolidge to any parties I may throw, just as long as he isn't bringing any homemade baked goods.

MIKE SEAVER: Family Man

Base: Long Island, New York
Marital Status: Now Married
Ocupation: Student/Burger Flipper/ Teacher
Alter Ego(s): Seaver, Class of 85
Nemesis: Father's Physcobable
Favorite Quote: "I've got everything under control."

Mike is a perfect example of what every man who can't make something of himself should be; a royal pain in everyones backside. Not only was he constantly failing school, but he thirved on his reputation of failure. His dad totally ruined his schemes all the time, otherwise he probably wouldn't have gone on to do all those stupid Left Behind movies...stupid Kirk Cameron.

And there you have it. If you can't be like these people or haven't already, then your life is meaningless.

6 Comments:

  • At 3:47 PM, Blogger kerri said…

    speaking of kirk...

    go to wayofthemaster.com

    enter the site and brace yourself

    do it now

     
  • At 10:20 PM, Blogger wewilleatyou said…

    Where is RICHARD DEAN ANDERSON? He would have easily skipped school, planned a party, and saved the souls of sinners all at the same time by building a Macgyver replicant out of saltine crackers and a magic marker.

     
  • At 7:03 AM, Blogger JMH said…

    Leave Mac out of this...he's in a league of his own!

     
  • At 8:23 AM, Blogger suburbanjesus said…

    don't ever put a picture of kirk cameron on your blog again!

     
  • At 11:30 AM, Blogger wewilleatyou said…

    JMH.... I finally figured out who you were thus have linked your blog to mine in memory of all who have escaped the Creek. You know I sold the rights of our story with the creek to Michael Bay thus THE ISLAND!!!! think about it.

     
  • At 12:46 PM, Blogger Kate said…

    What an interesting blog you have. I often search the web for articles about love and dating and I found this one. As for there�s a site for singles at http://top-personals.net, take a look.

     

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